Control vs Happiness ...

So, for some reason I have watched Ghosts of Girlfriends Past way more often than I should lately, part of that has to do with what is on demand right now and that I think that watching a movie that I've seen a million times would mean that maybe it would put me to sleep ... I like the movie for several reasons ... the characters remind me of people I've known or even still know ... of relationships that I've had ...

Anyway, there is a point in the movie where the main character, played by Matthew McConaughey, is given advice to basically not care in a relationship ... the advice is ... "the one that cares the least is the one with the most control" .... as cynical and downright awful as that sounds, there is a lot of truth in that statement ... to anyone that has ever been in a one-way relationship ... they know this ... we'll ignore for a minute that a relationship should not ever be one way ... but in the instance where a girl is head over heels in love with a guy and he is only mildly interested ... he does hold the power ... because she will, in most cases, go to great extents to seek approval, reassurance, love ... will be willing to change and compromise, possibly to a fault ... leaving him with all the control ... and yes, as sure as anything else in life, those roles can easily be reversed ... but when it comes down to it ... I think that it's true ... the person that is in "control" of a relationship like that is the person that cares the least ...

.... now we all know that those kinds of relationships are neither healthy nor very successful ... because eventually those issues will come to a head ... now ... back to the movie ... at the end of the movie ... after he's been visited by these ghosts ... and seen things from a new perspective ... he realizes that his fear of being
hurt ... fear of letting someone in ... fear of losing that control is what drives him to try to keep it ... and yes, in true movie form it's a very dramatic transformation ... however ... then while giving a toast for his brother's wedding he says that the advice he was given was wrong and that in order to find happiness you have to care ... basically to give is better than to receive ... there is a lot of truth in that as well ...

I've mentioned before and I will mention again that Robert Heinlan once defined love in this way; "Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own"  ... for me this is very true ... there is a lot more to love, but to be a piece of happiness to someone else, and have them be a piece of my happiness ... to feel their pain as if it were my own definitely plays into love from my personal perspective ... but I believe that it is true ... the more you care; the happier you can be ... it leads to the feelings of only needing love to survive and being able to say that you don't care if you're in a mansion in Beverly Hills or a cardboard box down by the river as long as that one person you care so much about is there with  you ... it surpasses material value .. surpasses most other cares and decisions in your life ... because that one person that you care about, that you love, basically becomes your life ... that is love ... now in that we must not lose ourselves ... but I do agree that the more you care ... the happier you can be ...