The Quiet ...

So, I haven't been blogging much, well at all really ... and there's a reason for that ... things are very hard right now ... and honestly I'm afraid of oversharing ... of saying things in public that I just shouldn't say ... there is a lot of strain and a lot of stress both within me and around me ...

... and then there's these mixed emotions of wanting solitude and feeling isolated ... and I miss so much ... I miss my independence ... I miss my closest friend and lover (long distance relationships are not remotely easy, especially when communication is cut off almost completely) ... I have all these stupid little things to talk about ... and in a perfect example from my grand mother ... if I'm going to tell you a story about my cat I don't want to have to explain to you that I have a cat first ... I just need someone to tell all those little stupid stories to, the ones that only those that know all the back story will understand ... I also miss hearing those stupid little stories ... I
mean to some it might sound strange ... but when you're basically used to knowing someone's every move, every thought ... and then you lose communication with them ... it's actually a very hard thing .... when you find out things that you didn't know ... that you just assumed you would .... so I miss hearing those stupid little details, and some of them not so stupid and not so little ... as much as I miss having someone around all the time to tell them too ...

... at the same time ... I've closed myself off ... I don't want to talk to anyone ... people in general kind of annoy me right now ... and maybe that's because I have all this crap locked up inside ...

... but I'm going to try to make a point of blogging more this week ... because it is therapeutic and helpful ... I just have to figure out how to do it without making it so personal ....