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Saturday, August 7, 2010

The Mommy Wars

On Facebook recently I was part of a debate on a friend's wall. This is something I actually try very hard to avoid, nobody likes their wall becoming a place for argument, and many of these debates can be moved to private forums.

This is the debate that took place; a friend asked as her "status message" for advice from veteran parents about what to do with a biting child. Several people said bite him back, myself included, based on experience that I have with my own children, some things work on some kids, some things don't, but when it comes to biting I have seen it work with several children. A child can't learn empathy unless they experience pain, much like a kitten has to learn how to control the strength of their bite and the power of their claws by playing with other kittens and cats, a child has to learn that certain words hurt, certain actions
hurt, and sometimes with some children the only way they learn is by experiencing it for themselves.

There was one woman that spurred the debate, that said it was absolutely wrong to bite your child back, and personally attacked me and others saying in essence that she was a better parent than that, and basically flat out stated she was holier than me because she was "discipling" her child rather than punishing her.

This got me talking to several people and basically this comes down to the "mommy wars" ... the breast vs bottle, stay-at-home vs working, co-sleeping vs solitary, spanking vs no spanking ... all these things that mom's have judged each other about time and time again ...

To me it's not black and white ... it's not right or wrong ... it is what works best for the family as a whole ... I am not here to judge your parenting ... I am here to raise my own kids ...

2 comments:

Claudia said...

This is so interesting, because I believe like you. The more you judge other mommies, the more likely you are to be judged. We need to rally behind each other, support each other, lift each other up. After all, there is nothing more challenging or nothing more rewarding than being a mother.

Now, that being said, I am about to show my hypoctritcal nature: I am an extended rear facing and extended harnessing mommy!! My family basically thinks I'm psychotic when it comes to car seats. So, how bad am I that I spout the "support each other" line, but I'm a purist when it comes to car seats?

I try not to get too judgmental, but this viper lies within me...

Gamer Girl said...

Well, I used to be very judgmental of divorce ... and divorced moms ... and now I am one. There are lines I personally wouldn't cross, and would find wrong with any person's parenting, but when it comes down to it they're not my children. I think we all have to learn how to support each other and if we feel the need to give feedback do it in a way that is non-critical. More, "well when my daughter did that, this is what I did .... " rather than "you're wrong, I'm a better parent than you."

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