Lose/Lose

I don't like lose/lose situations ... I don't handle them well.

What happened to me tonight is not something that hasn't happened before. I was asked to do something, I felt horrible, had a migraine, but because of who I was doing it with, who was asking me, I reluctantly agreed. Then that person ended up not doing it. I've had this happen many times before in my life, with friends, parents, significant others ... being talked into something and then being stuck there without the people/person that I went there to spend time with.

What's hard about it is that at that point you've made a commitment, you're there, other people are counting on you ... so you come off as whiny or a bitch or many other bad things if you back out; even though it was something you didn't want to do in the first place.

So, now a bunch of people probably think I am a whiny bitch, because I have a migraine and really, really need sleep. I was willing to make sacrifices for someone, but when I wasn't even going to be spending time with that person, the sacrifices were no longer worth it.

Maybe I am whiny, maybe I am a bitch, maybe I made the wrong choice, but I would have been miserable either way; if I had stayed and followed through to save face and honor a commitment or left and taken care of myself ...  and really how it turned out, I didn't even make a choice; because I chose to share my frustration with the person that left me it was made for me ...probably making me look even worse in the process ..

Sorry if this is all twisted & contorted ... I took a sleeping pill ... so I'm a little out of it ... goodnight blog world ...