Embrace the Curse ... Archived From 12/07/2008

So lately, I've spent a lot of time being down and depressed and feeling sorry for myself . . . but many of you know, that in general that is the opposite of who I am . . . I am forever optimistic, eternally smiling and infinitely happy usually in almost any circumstance . . . I've allowed too much to influence things in my life . . . too many people, too much judgment, hypocrisy, and pessimism have affected my natural abilities to be optimistic . . . to see the silver lining . . . to see the open window when the door was slammed in my face . . . I usually cry more happy tears than sad ones . . . that hasn't been true lately . . .  but it needs to be . . . so here I sit in my messy apartment that I've been procrastinating cleaning . . . talking to a couple friends on the computer . . . listening to my child who is on the verge of pneumonia cough behind the mask of her nebulizer . . . wondering how I'm going to pay the electric bill . . . feeling lonelier than I have in a while . . . and yet I'm happy . . . I'm not happy because anything great and wonderful has happened . . . I got a piece of myself back yesterday that I thought was gone . . . let's say I did that through an act of creative expression, for lack of a better way to say it . . . I'm happier than I have been in a while . . . more confident . . . more sure of myself and my decisions and my ability to make decisions . . . there are things in life I can't control . . . no matter what choices I make I will make people mad, people will judge me . . . they'll judge me on my parenting, my ability to make good relationship choices (both friendship and romantic) . . . it is unfortunately human nature to judge . . . but here's the thing . . . until you have lived my life . . . walked in my shoes . . .experienced my experiences . . . you have no right . . . people think they know things . . . they think their opinions, their decisions are the ones that others should follow . . . they are wrong . . . we all live our own lives . . .follow our own paths . . . make our own decisions for the reasons we do . . . we create our own karma . . . our own fate whether designed by destiny, ourselves or God, or the combination there of will be what it is . . . and my fate will be what it is . . . life is a rollercoaster . . . there are ups and downs . . . the trick is to be able to look down from the top of the biggest drop and know that you will reach the bottom alive and although the climb up will be slow you WILL come up . . . embrace your circumstances, regardless of what they are . . . change what needs to be changed when you can, but do it for yourself, not for anyone else . . . something that makes no sense to anyone else can be exactly what you need, exactly what you want, your source of unbelievable happiness . . . embrace yourself . . . whether you like yourself or not . . . no matter the mistakes you've made . . . the choices you regret . . . just try to be happy in your circumstances no matter what they are . . . 

It's me against the world today
And that's fine
It's me against the world

And so I stand
I embrace the curse
I embrace the song
I embrace what I feel
When I feel what's wrong
I embrace the hurt
The hate and what's worse
I embrace what I am
I embrace the curse