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Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Privacy ...

In any relationship I think that trust barriers can be crossed that take away a person's "right to privacy" ... some relationships are very open from the beginning though as well ...

I can see this applying in various kinds of relationship parent/child ... roommate maybe ... our significant others ... there are many situations where I feel that someone loses their right to privacy, where computers, email, the hiding spots in the house or bedroom are no longer off limits ... especially if any of those things were used in the process of losing someone's trust.

When it comes to parenting ... I think until my kids are older, I will continue to have passwords to their email, gaming and social network accounts. I don't check them, or have any need to, but if something ever happens, I can ... as they get older, I think that their privacy should be allowed to be protected to some degree. If they want to email their friends about what an evil mom I am or who they have crushes on, they should be able to do that without fear that I will just pull up their email that day and read it ... however ... if they start in with behavior or are actually caught doing something completely inappropriate, then I think those privacy barriers come down ... at that point I get full access to everything ...

When it comes to significant others ... I see a few different trains of thought on this ... I always had access to everything of my husband's ... email, myspace, gaming accounts, phone records ... everything ... most of that just came down to the fact that I set nearly everything up, I paid the phone bill, etc., ... but he was an open book to me ... he didn't always have access to everything of mine, not because I was trying to hide anything, but just because he never asked, he didn't do much on the computer, etc., so he just didn't have a need to, in his mind ... so although (up until the end) I wouldn't have had an issue with being an open book with him, I never completely was.

I know couples that keep everything very separate and personal ... everything is private ... closed book persay ... and I know couples where everything is open ... nothing is private ... they have full access to everything. In my current relationship we both are completely open books ... we have passwords to each others' accounts for everything ...

I guess I personally think that we're all entitled to some privacy .. kind of like the example above with children .. if I want to email a friend and talk about how something my boyfriend did bothered me , I should probably be able to do that .... and vice versa ... I think that individual couples figure out what levels of privacy work for them ...

Now, I do believe that once trust has been broken in a relationship ... if somebody cheats (physically or emotionally) ... especially if communication with the other party existed through email, social networking sites, or phones where records can be looked at ... I think then privacy is given up ... I think that is one of the prices that somebody pays for lying and betrayal ...and if they have nothing to hide ... then they shouldn't care about providing the access or even knowing that things will be accessed ... I think that once you've given a person reason not to trust you ... if you ever expect trust to be rebuilt ... that you must open yourself up ... must open all the pages in your book ... basically you need to be transparent ....

In most cases, this angers people, but really ... if you are a liar or a cheater and you expect somebody to stay with you and try to move on with you after you have done things that most would not stick around for ... you should be grateful that you're there, regardless of the conditions or circumstances around that. So, you might have to deal with your phone records being looked at, your phone being looked at, your email or your Facebook being looked at ... but I can pretty much guarantee you that if the person doing the looking is a "normal" person ... the longer it goes without actually finding anything ... the less frequently they'll check ... until basically they don't even think about it anymore ... and in actuality you will have built trust back, by opening yourself up and proving that you really don't have anything to hide ...

I know there are people that think that both a child's and significant others privacy should remain private no matter what ... I personally believe that once someone has given someone a reason not to trust .. that the rules change .. that you are no longer allowed privacy ... that it becomes a privilege not a right ...

2 comments:

Miss Ash said...

As long as my kids are in my house, they will have little privacy in certain areas. Their rooms are MY rooms. Until they're older, their phone conversations with friends will be ones I may (and will) occasionally listen in on.

Privacy as far as relationships... well, I hold grudges and so therefore wouldn't be able to continue in a relationship where a major betrayal had happened, so the whole trust thing is a moot point, there.

Erica said...

I agree ... my kids will not have much privacy ... and phone conversations are not private as well ... my daughter already is not allowed to delete text messages out of her phone ... I can compare the phone records to what is there if necessary and she knows that ... a deleted message will probably get her in far more trouble than what she had to say in the first place ...

In relationships .. I also hold grudges and don't know that a relationship with betrayal could survive with me ... but it absolutely could not without complete transparency ...

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