The Tides Seem To Be Changing ....

This last week has taken on a life of it's own ... in a good way ... the first was the opportunity to start writing for a gaming site, focused on all aspects of gaming and electronic entertainment ... the second was an actual job, as a CNA (which is what I am working toward my RN) that I was offered on Friday ... then yesterday I was offered a job writing for another website ... a World of Warcraft exclusive website ... writing articles specializing in priests ... then actually in game ... I downed two new raid bosses (Magmaw and Omnotron) .... I looted a rare fishing pole from my fishing daily ... finally, I hit the 15 pound mark on my diet I started February 1st ...  it's just been a very different week than I have had recently ...

Of course the best and most important news is that I have a job ... well, technically, three ...

Maybe It Really Is Me ....

So have you ever had a group where you felt like maybe you didn't quite fit in? Or maybe you just had rotten timing or bad luck? Like say ... a book club ... where every time you're not there they go out for coffee and dessert after the club ... or a basketball league where every time you're not there they go out for drinks and appetizers or go back to someone's house .. or or or ... I think everyone has had experiences like that at some point ... and maybe it is just a matter of luck or coincidence ... but lately I've had some of these experiences ....

Now, mine are in the gaming world ... and that really makes it no different except you're not physically in the same space as other people ... but every time I'm on and  can and want to go

Opportunities ...

So, I think everyone that writes a blog has the dream that someone will stumble upon their blog and give them an opportunity ... to do something .... to write, to review, to teach ... to do many, many other things depending on any individual blogger ... and while I kind of had some of these fantasies myself, I never really, really thought about it. I've wanted to be a fiction novelist for as long as I can remember, even did a mentor-ship program in the fifth grade with a local author ... and someday, someday ... I will sit down and work on the book that I've been writing and re-writing in my head for the last twenty or so years .... but ... over the last few weeks an opportunity was presented to me ...

Someone came across my blog and read some of my posts that are more in depth about gaming ... such as my one on gaming addictions and stereotypes and well ... they offered me an internship of sorts. Project Allison is a project devoted to putting out a new gaming & entertainment arts news and networking website ... set to launch later this year. They asked me to be on board as a staff writer coming in on the ground floor. I know that I have to submit four articles a week, but otherwise we are still working out the details of content. This will be unpaid for now ... but as their profits kick in from advertising,etc., the pay will kick in as well ... do I know

Art School ... FTW ...

Okay, so those of you that follow my blog regularly know that I have issues with the fact that my two daughters are two very different individuals ... I struggle with labeling them as the "academic one" and the "creative one" because I don't want to pigeon hole them ... I don't want them to think that I'm calling the one that more naturally excels at academics and is actually interested in it "smarter" than the other ... because that's not true ... she applies herself differently ... and different ... is okay ...

But ... all that being said ... my "creative one" is looking at an amazing prospect in a school ... an art school ... public mind you ... I couldn't afford private ... that is for grades 6 through 12 ... she'll have to apply and have recommendations from some of her current teachers ... and

Disturbing Thoughts ...

Okay, so I'm kind of angry about this ... so if this is kind of discombobulated, I apologize in advance .... this girl is truly disturbing ... I chose to embed this video rather than her original because honestly I don't want to give her more attention ...








First and foremost, let me say that I am a cradle Lutheran ... ELCA ... not LCMS .... trust me there's a difference .... a rather large one ... but my point in that being .... that I am a Christian, baptized, first communioned, confirmed, parochial school graduated, my kids are baptized ... and while I logically doubt pieces and I personally believe that the Bible is partly metaphorical fiction ... proverbs if you will ... I do believe in the Christian God ... I believe that Jesus walked this earth as the Son of God ... and that the symbolism in Him dying on the cross for our sins is an incredibly important part of my religion ... so in other words, yes, I am a Christian ... I am a believer .... but I am sick and tired of extremists giving Christianity a bad name ... the God I believe in is loving ... not to be feared ... I don't think he cares about every single action or thought or whatever we do ... because even being a supernatural spirit, there are way too many people on this

The Stay At Home Mom ... Curse? ....

If you had asked me 5 years ago if I would ever be writing a blog like this I would have told you that you were totally and completely nuts ... if you had asked for my honest opinion 5 years ago as to whether or not being a stay-at-home mom was the better best choice for any growing family that could afford it ... I would have said ABSOFREAKINLUTELY ... and then the walls came tumbling down ...

Now before I say all this ... please don't think for a minute that I actually regret the time I spent with my children ... watching them grow ... nurturing them ... seeing every single milestone ... taking all the teaching moments I could ... being their main source of, well, everything .... because I wouldn't  change it for the world ... quite literally ... which will make more sense in a few sentences ....

So the walls came tumbling down ... in April 2008 ... my separation and divorce process started ... at the time I had been a full-time stay at home mom for 5 years ... I had a part-time job in retail management ... which I honestly got for sanity, to get me out of the house, to talk to adults, but ended up relying on the extra income ... I held that job for about 2 1/2 years before the divorce process started ... but ...

I was left in the end with a more than half-finished degree that I gave up on because I was going to be a stay at home mom ...  and really no job history .... in an economy that sucks ... I had no way of supporting myself ... it wasn't for lack of trying if I could list the hundreds, no thousands of jobs that I have applied for since 2008 ... well, I don't think anyone that isn't in it can

Offense vs Defense ...

I think in life often times people confuse these two areas ...


I've seen it a few times recently ...

When you say and do things completely unprovoked, without someone opening that door for you, I think that makes you an offensive person ... this can lead to good things in places like Corporate America ... but when it comes to friendships and relationships there is a whole different story ... I think that's my definition of bully ... someone that does and says hurtful things unprovoked ... when the person they're doing them to, has caused them no harm .... that kind of offensiveness ... is in my honest opinion ... wrong ... it's the opposite of all things good ... it lacks compassion ... and an understanding of humanity ....


On the flip side ...

Quakes & Waves ...

I was playing COD on the XBox last night when the people in our lobby started talking about the earthquake in Japan ... and the tsunamis ... and the tsunami warnings that Hawaii, Alaska and the west coast were under ... I got off the xbox and hopped online to look at some of the news and then I saw my Godbrother posted the information on the evacuations in Washington, Oregon and California ... it was around 3am at that point and I just had to get some sleep ....

I figured I'd wake up to more news ... to people on Facebook that would be talking about it ... but not so much ... I had one friend who is in Hawaii right now on business ... his hotel was evacuated and he was moved to another hotel ... he shared some pictures ... and a few handfuls of friends that said something about it ... but overall there has been a remarkable quietness ...

Maybe it's just too soon ... I noticed that Zynga is already fundraising for the Red Cross & Save the Children for earthquake

The People We Don't Choose ....

This really should be several different blogs ... one titled "Negativty" ... one titled "Clarification" ... and one titled "The People We Don't Choose" ... but really this all came about because of one big snowball that started from the last of those three ... and the three pieces of the puzzle fall together in a way that without all three pieces you can't see the whole picture ...

I talked recently about a bully I encountered online ... one that I considered a life long friend ... well as it turns out this led to another bully ... and in my mind someone that probably should be more capable of taking a higher road ... more capable of being mature and wise (as she is twenty or thirty years older than me) ... but that would be me judging her ... which I try very hard not to do ... people are as they are regardless of gender, age, race ... religion (in fact I would say that some of the harshest most judgmental people I have ever met or dealt with claim that they are extremely religious ... which given my vast knowledge of the Bible, Biblical history and the life and ways of Jesus is kind of ironic ... as their attitudes are far from the words that were given to us) ... but people are as they are ...

One of my biggest problems in life is that I believe in basic human kindness and goodness ... I am naive enough to believe that traits like kindness, empathy, compassion and honesty are traits that are innate in human beings ... and unfortunately, as I get older, more and more people prove me wrong ...

I guess there is no way to tell this story without just telling it ... and realizing it is entirely possible for either or both of these people to read my blog ... I must say that I am writing this for cathartic reasons, the way I do most of my blogs, and for the many other people that like to read the inner ramblings of my mind ... I am not writing this in the hopes that they read it, in fact, much of me would rather they didn't, because I don't really want to fuel the fire ... but this is my way of getting thoughts and feelings out of my head ... and getting the weight off my shoulders ... so here is the basic story ...

As I said in my previous post I had a "friend" on Facebook that several times had made negative comments on my posts ... if she had only said things when I was "bitching" or venting frustrations ... the explanation that I was to get indirectly later on might make sense ... but it wasn't, in fact, she would make these negative, mean, bullying and snide comments on either things that were completely innocent and stupid or times when I was celebrating the good things in my life ... times when I was happy ... she felt the need to bring me down ... for what reason I don't know ... and rarely did she have that

I Love Spring ...

I went outside today to go pick my kids up from school ... I had no idea how gorgeous it was outside .... you know being in a basement with an underground window and all ;)

It feels like spring ...

Being Colorado and all I'm sure that we're still in for some cold days ... and I don't mind that too much, but my favorite seasons here in Colorado are spring and fall ... I think a lot of people have a misguided idea about Colorado; thinking it's always cold here ... it's not ... it gets ridiculously hot in the summer and ridiculously cold in the winter ... but being a mountain girl I would have to say that I definitely prefer being cold to being hot ... you can always put on more clothes, and start fires, and turn up the heat (if that's an option) ... but being too hot ... well you can't go further than naked, you can get in the water (if there's water around), and there is air conditioning, but that is a huge energy consumption

Here we go again ...

So I haven't mentioned it much before, but my daughter has an eosinophilic disorder ... typically this is classified as an upper GI disorder called Eosinophilic Esophagitis or EE ... she has been lucky (at least so far) in that hers has been considered an EGID (Eosinophilic Gastrointestinal Disorder) affecting her large and small intestine but luckily not affecting her esophagus .... the reason the esophageal kind is worse is that the esophagus is actually much thinner and fragile than the lower GI ... the disorder can lead to lesions and even tears in the esophagus ... which leaves kids on feeding tubes in order to save the esophagus ....

Well, my daughter had a well-child visit yesterday and she has had some issues lately .... she complains of chest pain

A new leaf ... a new page ... a new well, everything ...

I had some much needed time with my man both with and without my kids not so long ago ... we got a lot done ... we didn't do quite as much just snuggling and relaxing and talking as I would have liked, but when we get so little time together and things need to be done, sometimes it just works out that way I guess ... but it gave me a lot of hope ....

We got a lot done to make my living situation a little better for myself and my kids ... and since then I have done a little more ... I've put up pictures on the concrete walls ... pictures of fun times and good friends ... to remind me that this is not a prison cell ... I am grateful for all he and I were able to do, and for the ability to do the things I have done since ....

I feel like I have actually walked away from some people that have been horribly mean, even though they preach about not being mean themselves, I find myself not caring .... there was a time I would have obsessed ... but I find myself thinking they're not worth it ... let them continue to make their digs on me, in a public fashion even, all they're doing is making themselves look like fools and probably looking at ruining other friendships in the process ... and I realize in that, that my obsession over their bad behavior ... just isn't worth it ... and I let the baggage go ...

There are still some toxic people that I must deal with, but I think I have a better handle on that now too ...

While my honey and I were spending some wonderful quality time together ... my mom was off on a vacation of her own ... and somehow from that experience we have bonded more ... I feel more like the mother and daughter we used to be ... we still will have "roommate" issues ... and we have the major issue to work through of her showing much more respect to my relationship ... and other issues about undermining parenting, etc., .... but overall our relationship feels more like it used to ... we talked and laughed and many other things ... even gossiped a little ... she, I know, feels very upset and betrayed by some things a "friend" said lately as well, and the way they have been acting ... so it was like these other people with their drama helped us overcome our own ... on top of that a break from each other, and the ability for my honey and I to spend time completely alone together I think was a stress reliever to some extent, although not when it came to all stress, but I think the

Bullies Can Be Any Age ....

You know since Columbine we have been a bully-centric society when it comes to schools ... every school my kids have ever attended has had major bully education and awareness programs ... the one time I had to deal with a bully issue with one of my kids it was handled very, very well ... we focus so much on bullies at that age ... but what about as we get older?

Bullying continues in multiple ways ... one of the main ways at this point is cyber-bullying ... with facebook, myspace, twitter, email ... they say people will say things they won't normally say ... I don't know if that is always true .. most of the "argumentative" stuff that I have written I would say ... a lot of it I wouldn't have had the chance to say all of, and doing it in writing allows me to be more articulate and do it without interruption, but really ... for me that's not true ... the keyboard bravery or whatever they call it ... maybe it is for others though ....

My friends can tell tale upon tale of workplace bullying, grocery store bullying, gaming bullying ... people who are arrogant and not empathetic and unable to apparently distinguish right from wrong ....

For the first time a few weeks ago I had to delete someone I considered an actual friend from my Facebook ... because she was being a bully, to the point that other friends were responding to her ... to the point that I received private messages from people that knew both of us and some that didn't saying how out of line she was ... I had to delete two other people before ... but one of them I met through a game and the other was a girlfriend of a friend and they broke up and she was nasty ... so up until then I had deleted two other people ... neither of which were big "losses" ...

But ... this one was different ... literally someone I had known my whole life, I had always been closer to her sister, but still ... known my whole life ... she played a role in my wedding ... but there she was being outright mean and bullying on my Facebook page ...

I wish I could have given her the benefit of the doubt of naivety, but I knew better, and later was proven right by someone that shared her reaction to my un-friending her ... her gratefulness that I had because she had "called me out" ... she didn't call me out ... she was just a bully ... basically I had said I was excited about having some time when I could have a real life ... it wasn't a depressing post ... in fact I think my original post just said "2 days and counting ... " someone asked