I had some much needed time with my man both with and without my kids not so long ago ... we got a lot done ... we didn't do quite as much just snuggling and relaxing and talking as I would have liked, but when we get so little time together and things need to be done, sometimes it just works out that way I guess ... but it gave me a lot of hope ....We got a lot done to make my living situation a little better for myself and my kids ... and since then I have done a little more ... I've put up pictures on the concrete walls ... pictures of fun times and good friends ... to remind me that this is not a prison cell ... I am grateful for all he and I were able to do, and for the ability to do the things I have done since ....
I feel like I have actually walked away from some people that have been horribly mean, even though they preach about not being mean themselves, I find myself not caring .... there was a time I would have obsessed ... but I find myself thinking they're not worth it ... let them continue to make their digs on me, in a public fashion even, all they're doing is making themselves look like fools and probably looking at ruining other friendships in the process ... and I realize in that, that my obsession over their bad behavior ... just isn't worth it ... and I let the baggage go ...
There are still some toxic people that I must deal with, but I think I have a better handle on that now too ...
While my honey and I were spending some wonderful quality time together ... my mom was off on a vacation of her own ... and somehow from that experience we have bonded more ... I feel more like the mother and daughter we used to be ... we still will have "roommate" issues ... and we have the major issue to work through of her showing much more respect to my relationship ... and other issues about undermining parenting, etc., .... but overall our relationship feels more like it used to ... we talked and laughed and many other things ... even gossiped a little ... she, I know, feels very upset and betrayed by some things a "friend" said lately as well, and the way they have been acting ... so it was like these other people with their drama helped us overcome our own ... on top of that a break from each other, and the ability for my honey and I to spend time completely alone together I think was a stress reliever to some extent, although not when it came to all stress, but I think the
stress and strain on our relationship has been muted ....
I have some really good job leads, and I've taken care of some other business things that needed to be taken care of ...
And life, although remarkably unchanged, is good ... and feels better ...
I do hate judgmental people ... and I honestly don't understand why people can't live and let live and give one another the benefit of the doubt ... but apparently some can't ... they feel like they must be right ... and they must be better ... but in the end all that hate that they are filled with ... all the mockery and bullying they take part in .... it injures their souls more than those they try to hurt ... or those they judge ... and while karma may not be instant or in a way that we understand ... it does usually find it's way back around to those people ... and I find peace in that ....
I am looking forward to what the future holds for me, rather than dwelling on the present ... I am learning from my past ... but looking straight forward .... I have been highly motivated since the day I moved into this house to be out ... I think when my goal of being out by Christmas was unattainable it made me focus too much on the present .... I need to look toward the future ... even though nothing I am doing as far as job searching and applying is any different than it has been for the last 9 months ... I am looking at it through rose colored glasses now ... and who knows, maybe that was exactly what I needed ...
