Mixed Bag ...

Unfortunately (or fortunately) this isn't an uncommon scenario around here, but on Friday my ex husband asked me if I would be willing to take the kids back 7 hours early this weekend ... because he had some place to be Sunday night and wanted to beat the snow ...

I'm usually agreeable to these schedule changes, because I figure some day I may need a favor and if I'm not agreeable or somehow bitchy about it then he may not be very willing to help me out when I need help ...

However, when I had full custody and he only had them every other weekend he would do things like this as well .. now that we have straight 50/50 custody he still does and, according to my children, leaves them with their grandmother quite a bit when he does have them ...

I am all for parents having a life of their own ... I have seen what it does to parents who completely revolve their lives around their children ... I think date nights and girls nights and boys nights and all these things are important to the psychological and mental health of entire families, not just the people participating ... it isn't a good lesson to teach our children that they
have to give up their lives when they have children of their own, that they can no longer do things they enjoy, or get together with friends, etc., ... in fact it's important to teach them the opposite ... so  I am not opposed to him making plans or having a life ...

However ... at some point in time (I know because I've been there), if not already, my kids will start to get the feeling (especially when he only has them for less than 48 hours anyway) that these "other" things are more important than them ... I was a teenager when my parents divorced, so not quite as impressionable, but I was fine with them having a life of their own, however, when it felt like they (mostly my dad) made someone or something else a drastic and obvious priority over me ... it caused issues that still exist in our relationship today ... I fear for my kids, that his constant "can I pick them up late," "can I drop them off early," "can I just not take them this weekend at all" .... will impact their trust in him and their relationship with him down the line ...

I could be wrong ... it could not even phase them ... but wherever it is he had to be tonight, was (to him) worth sacrificing 7 waking hours with his children ... maybe it's worth it, maybe not ... but  the real question is how do my kids feel about it ... I won't put those thoughts in their minds ... and two of them protest leaving me every time they leave anyway ... but I want them to have a good relationship with their father ... I really, really do ... and I feel like he is taking them down a road he doesn't realize he is taking them down ...