Another Black Sheep Day ...

It was my daughter's 8th birthday party on Sunday ... we had a party, that was mostly for the kids ... my ex and I worked together to throw the party ... at first my daughter said the only adults she wanted there were myself, her dad and our significant others (sidebar ... I was impressed that my mom was gracious enough to allow me the gas to drive and pick up my boyfriend to go to my daughter's party, that she absolutely insisted he needed to be at) ... but my mother was an addition, followed by my father and my stepmother ... I think that my daughter (well, that daughter) ... doesn't like the stress that certain people add to our lives either ...

Anyway, we got to the pizza place and I had forgotten my camera, so my boyfriend and I ran back to the house to get it, when we left, my ex and my mom were the only adults there ... when I came back my father and my stepmother were there ... now I wrapped myself up in the kids and doing all the normal party stuff I've done at my kids' parties for the last 10 years ... keeping the kids in line ... making sure everyone was okay ... but with the adults ... I felt like a black sheep ... as my mom, my stepmom, my dad and my ex all sat at one end of the table whispering and conversating and basically ignoring the rest of the party ... my boyfriend and I kept the kids entertained and kept things going ... and they sat down there all bonding together ... I must be an awful person ... I must have done something truly awful in my life, in a former life, in whatever life you all
believe in ... to have all these people that hurt me deeply so easily bond together ... none of them standing on "my side" (for lack of a better way to put it) ... none of them showing solidarity with me ... if I had to say any of them did that at all I would say my ex did ... but apparently my mom has lost all her negative feelings for my stepmom ... and doesn't care anymore about my dad's role in my staying in his house .. nope ... they're all buddy buddy ... and they all pretty much just ignored the kids the entire time ... involved in conversations about how spoiled my kids are ... (hmmm well I have no money so who the hell spoils them? ... maybe their grandparents) ... and my mom and my stepmom involved in conversations about the annoying nuances of my father ... I mean really ...

I felt like a black sheep at my daughter's birthday party and like I was being judged the entire time ... it was like taking all the most toxic people in my life and putting them in one room and leaving me with a a gaggle of little girls and my boyfriend (who also was ignored and not talked to by any of them except my ex) ... as my support structure ... this whole thing has been so toxic ... and taught me that family means nothing ... not one single biological relative has stood up for me for anything ... I'm over family ... I will stand by my children and my boyfriend ... because they stand by me ... the rest of them can go screw themselves ...