Control vs Happiness ...

So, for some reason I have watched Ghosts of Girlfriends Past way more often than I should lately, part of that has to do with what is on demand right now and that I think that watching a movie that I've seen a million times would mean that maybe it would put me to sleep ... I like the movie for several reasons ... the characters remind me of people I've known or even still know ... of relationships that I've had ...

Anyway, there is a point in the movie where the main character, played by Matthew McConaughey, is given advice to basically not care in a relationship ... the advice is ... "the one that cares the least is the one with the most control" .... as cynical and downright awful as that sounds, there is a lot of truth in that statement ... to anyone that has ever been in a one-way relationship ... they know this ... we'll ignore for a minute that a relationship should not ever be one way ... but in the instance where a girl is head over heels in love with a guy and he is only mildly interested ... he does hold the power ... because she will, in most cases, go to great extents to seek approval, reassurance, love ... will be willing to change and compromise, possibly to a fault ... leaving him with all the control ... and yes, as sure as anything else in life, those roles can easily be reversed ... but when it comes down to it ... I think that it's true ... the person that is in "control" of a relationship like that is the person that cares the least ...

.... now we all know that those kinds of relationships are neither healthy nor very successful ... because eventually those issues will come to a head ... now ... back to the movie ... at the end of the movie ... after he's been visited by these ghosts ... and seen things from a new perspective ... he realizes that his fear of being

Solitude ...

There are times in my life when I realize, more than others, how important my alone time is, how important my solitude is ... and it's such a balance because I am a very social creature as well ... but I do my best at almost everything when I am totally, completely, and absolutely alone ... cleaning, writing, organizing, unpacking, the list goes on and on ...  there are obvious exceptions ... things that require more than one person to do could be named in multitude, but since all the examples I can think of at this exact moment would imply that my head is clearly in the gutter I won't name any of them ...

But ... for the last week, my kids and I have been sick ... they have been home from school all week .. and being nicely unemployed at the present moment ... and sick myself ... I have been home with them ... so 24/7 ... for going on five days ... of literally not one minute of solitude ... so ... this is what that means ... my house ... okay, okay my area of the house that I live in is totally trashed .... I haven't been blogging as much ... I have a list of

Control ...

Control of my own life is something that I have struggled with for a very long time ... and the balance between being a "nice person" and being a "doormat" ... I think I more often fall into the doormat category than I would like to admit ...

Some of the problems in my marriage stemmed from control issues, disagreements and flat out fights about things that really just came down to control ... and things I wanted done, or he wanted done, that just didn't happen ... a feeling from both sides maybe, but from mine for sure, of things not being give and take so much as give and give ... and give ...

I won't pretend that my current relationship doesn't have some of those problems as well, that doormat thing comes with being a perpetual people pleaser ... in essence I don't stand up for myself ... but then in true feminine form I hold resentment, because you know men are supposed to read our minds, and know that we

Julie & Julia

I finally watched this movie a few weeks ago, although I'd wanted to see it since it was in the theaters. I found several things about this movie very intriguing.

It was very, very real ... it follows the true stories of two women ... pursuing their dreams ... their bumpy roads, their faults, their hardships ... and it was just very, very real ... with a happy, movie ending of course ...

What amazed me a lot was that these two women had these amazingly supportive, selfless, yet hard-working men in their lives, that helped them and encouraged them every step of the way. There's the saying, "behind

50 Things Women Wish Men Knew (my take on a Men's Health article)

Some of these are much more true for me than others ... but worth sharing nonetheless .... I actually originally posted this on 06/08/2009 ... so maybe this should count as an archived blog brought back ... but I'm going to add my own thoughts on these in [brackets] ... lol ... I actually think for a "Men's list" it's a pretty decent one ... I just like being able to throw my own twist on it ... one "actual" girl's opinion on this list ...

From Men's Health ... 50 Things She Wishes You Knew

50 Things She Wishes You Knew

Universal truths that all men should--but don't--understand

1. Saying "I love you" immediately before, during, or following sex doesn't count [it depends on how dirty the sex is ... ie, was it truly making love, period, or was it animalistic, if it was animalistic, then no, it doesn't count]

2. Real men drive stick shift. [absolutely ... or at least know how ... I prefer stick myself, so my man better at least know how to drive one]

3. I will leave if you lie [I'd say that's about 75% true in my circle of friends and confidants]

4. You are cute in raglan-sleeved T-shirts (two-toned baseball undershirts).[absolutely]

5. I'm convinced I'm pregnant and obsess about it for a minimum of 24 to 48 hours before my period, even when I have no rational reason to think so.[again, completely true, whether out of anxiousness, excitement or dread]

6. I love it when you hug me from behind and whisper in my ear. [hello? what girl would disagree with that]

7. "Fine" is never an appropriate response when I ask you how I look. [depends on the tone of voice to go with "fine" ... but generally speaking true]

 8. Most of the time when I fantasize, it's about you. [I would go with somewhere around 97% of the time, the other 3% is usually about women ;)]

9. I'm terrified of becoming my mother, even though I admire her. [true]

10. I get turned on simply seeing that I have an e-mail or text from you. [This is absolutely true ... unless I read it and don't like what it says ... but seeing an email in my inbox, or getting a text message from my love, is an instant turn on, and an instant smile]